Early Conditioning:

Our early role models...create what become our "Rules for Life"

When we are children, we learn how to be, how to navigate the world, and what to expect from the world.

Whatever we learn to expect is what we believe, deep down, we deserve. If we believe we deserve to be treated kindly, based upon our early experience of kind treatment, then we will assume that this is how the world is . . .you are treated kindly. Being treated kindly becomes a kind of rule for life . . .based upon our early experiences, especially those involving our high god and goddess, meaning our father and mother.

God and Goddess

Identifying our father and mother as god and goddess may sound strange or perhaps overblown, but from a child's, even an infant's, vantage point, this is what our parents are. A child's mother is of primary importance to him or her. At the most vulnerable time of life, our mother is our sole support system, not only in terms of physical caring, but in terms of emotional nurturance as well.

Our mother's attitude toward us determines our attitude toward ourselves. If she cuddles and coos over us, we feel lovable. If she ignores our needs or keeps us at a distance, we may feel unworthy or rejected. We may conclude, based upon that perceived (or real) rejection, that we are bad and that something is wrong with us.

Like Sponges

In my work with individuals, these patterns of belief and behavior show up consistently when we go underneath the conscious mind and access what is stored in the subconscious. As infants and children, we are like sponges, soaking up what the world is about, how we are supposed to be, and what to expect.

In this process, our primary models are our parents or caregivers. They teach us who we are, based upon how they regard us or how they treat us. They also teach us how to be---based upon how they treat themselves and how they feel about themselves.

A Personal Experiment

One way to understand the concept of rules for life is to imagine that, when you were a childno matter how old you were, or where your family livedthe interior walls of your home were always painted bright blue. Just now, imagine that when you were a child, that is all you ever saw: bright blue walls. Day in, and day out. Bright blue walls.

In fact, since that was the only experience you had to draw from in a daily, consistent fashion. As far as you knew, that was how life was: You had bright blue walls. After all, that is the color of the walls your parents chose, and provided. It must be right. What other reference did you have on such a continual basis?

So imagine now that you have grown up and are out on your own, selecting your first apartment or living situation. Guess what color walls you are going to have? If it isn't bright blue, you can be sure it will be something close to it, even if it's just in the closet, out of sight.

Tenacious Influence

(Of course, someone may say, "Well, I am not going to have bright blue walls in my home. I am my own person. I have set my own direction. My walls are . . .azure blue." Right, and notice that they are still blue. Or perhaps you don't see any blue walls in your home, but . . . if you peel back the wallpaper, guess what you will find . . .right. Blue walls. That early programming can be tenacious.)

Now substitute for the blue walls, the experience of feeling anxious, or feeling as if you are walking on eggshells. If what you grew up with was an atmosphere of tension, anxiety, and fear or tentativeness, that's the color you will paint the walls of your life experience. Those patterns will have become some of your rules for life.

 Excerpted from Stepping Free of Limiting Patterns With Essence Repatterning^®* by Pat McCallum (Source Unlimited, l992).

*Soon to be released as an e-Seminar-in-a-book.

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Pat McCallum

Essence Solutions, Inc.

Eugene, Oregon

 

Telephone    (541) 344-3600

Fax              (541) 344-5079